Geordie Shore May 2026

storms in, looking like a pumped-up pitbull in a spray-on T-shirt. He is furious.

Welcome to the club, pet. Now get a brew down yer and tell us who you’re gonna chin today.

I’ve just found a bloody chicken in the fridge. And not even a real one. One of them ones that squawks. That’s it. I’m dead. I’ve died and gone to Blackpool. Geordie Shore

MAZIE (24) is asleep in the empty hot tub. Fully clothed. Her phone is clutched in her hand, still playing a dance remix of “Freed from Desire.”

all scream in unison. The iconic synth bassline kicks in. storms in, looking like a pumped-up pitbull in

Morning, shaggers! I’ve just been for a dip in the North Sea. Absolutely Baltic. Me bits have retreated so far inside me, I think I’ve become a woman. Anyway, recap: Marnie got her lad out, Sophie cried in a bin, and I definitely snogged someone’s dad.

HOLY (22) is trying to make a bacon sandwich, but she’s wearing sunglasses indoors and moving like a sloth on tranquilizers. She opens the fridge. A toy chicken falls out. She screams. Now get a brew down yer and tell

(Pointing at the bedroom) Marnie. She’s getting both barrels. And then I’m getting in the shower, I’m putting on a fresh pair of joggers, and we are going OUT.